I was standing near the time clock in the break room of a retail store where I worked when another employee came into the break room. I couldn’t see what he was looking at from where I was standing, but he started ranting and raving about how lazy people are… making a mess and not cleaning it up. He was really getting worked up about this, so I poked my head around the corner and said, “So are you going to be part of the problem or part of the solution?”
My coworker stopped in his tracks, looked at me in confusion and said, “What?”
I told him, “If you see a problem and all you’re going to do is stand around and complain about it, then you’re just adding to the problem. If you’re going to actually do something about it, then you’re part of the solution.” He just stared at me dumbfounded.
The HR director for the store was up there on her break. She broke out in laughter and told me she loved me.
He did grab a broom and sweep up the mess, but he didn’t stop grumbling. For the record… the mess my coworker was having such a fit about was potato chip crumbs. Really, potato chip crumbs. My guess would be that another coworker dropped an empty (except for crumbs) bag of chips on the floor, picked up the bag but didn’t pick up the crumbs that spilled out.
I won’t insult your intelligence by pretending I’ve never stood around griping about a problem instead of working on a solution. I won’t even pretend I haven’t done it recently. (Remember when I said I am a work in progress?)
Earlier this week, in one of the personal development groups I’m in, the question was asked “what is standing in the gap between the life you have and the life you want?” My honest answer, that I posted on my Facebook page for everyone to see was “I subconsciously sabotage potential relationships because I’m afraid I will lose my identity in a relationship. I’m not sure I want to fix it.”
It just doesn’t get any more honest than that. This issue is probably half of the baggage I’m currently dragging around. I know it’s a problem, but it’s apparently my favorite problem because I won’t let it go. I make it worse with circular overthinking. I have spent many hours thinking about this issue in my life, but I don’t come up with answers (solutions), just more questions.
- What if it’s God’s will that I be alone?
- What if it’s God’s will that I not be alone, but the right man for me hasn’t shown up yet?
- What if it’s God’s will that I not be alone, but I was married to Mr. Wrong when Mr. Right went cruising by?
- Is there a man out there who won’t try to change me?
- Why do I only seem to attract men who are needy or controlling?
- How much of this issue is brought on by what I think I’m supposed to want as opposed to what I really want?
The potential answers to those questions scare the crap out of me. I’m not sure I want them, so I don’t do what I know will bring them about.
- Pray about it.
- Shut up about it.
- Trust God’s timing.
This is a situation where I’m choosing to be part of the problem instead of part of the solution.
There is another situation where I’m taking steps to stop being part of the problem and becoming part of the solution; learning to trust myself. In my 12 years of Recovery, I’ve uncovered and acknowledged plenty of examples of when I’ve exercised poor judgement, but not many examples of good judgement. It’s hard to trust someone’s judgement when I know she’s been wrong 75% of the time… especially when that someone is myself. The problem is, more often than not, I know what to do, but I choose not to do it. Why? Um, let’s save that question for another day.
To boil it down… 10-year-old me doesn’t trust 48-year-old me (or anyone else) to do right by her. The only way to fix that is for 48-year-old me to make choices that protect the needs and rights of 10-year-old me. I used to think all of this “Inner Child” stuff was a bunch of hooey. Once I started defining my fears and issues and seeing that they were all related to deficiencies in my childhood, I stopped calling it hooey.
I know that the process of shedding the baggage requires me to stop being part of the problem and start being part of the solution. There is no way around that fact.
What about you? Can you identify times in your life where you’ve been part of the problem? Is there a way you could shift to being part of the solution to those times now? Are you getting a new perspective on a current situation because you’re now consciously looking for a solution?
