Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed? There have been times in my life when I doubted my ability to survive whatever challenge I was facing. To date, my doubts have all proven to be unfounded. My survival rate as of this writing is 100%. I credit my survival with a few tricks that I’ve learned that taught me how to conquer the world, 15 minutes at a time.
The 15-minute chip.
When a friend of my daughter’s made a suicide attempt, I reached out to her. Having had some experience in that arena myself, I thought that even if I couldn’t offer any useful information, I could at least reach out and say, “I understand what you’re feeling, I hear you, I see you.” The young woman felt like she had no one in her life who understood what she was going through and that her parents were just watching her with eagle eyes, making sure she didn’t get the opportunity for another attempt. We had a few conversations where I said the things to her that I wish someone would have had the wisdom and opportunity to say to me when I was in the same situation. I also gave her one of my blue chips from Celebrate Recovery. I explained the meaning of the chip in the context of CR and told her that whenever she felt like she was about to come out of her skin to hold this chip in her hand, tell herself that all she had to do was survive the next 15 minutes, and just breathe. I told her to do that as many times a day as she felt like she needed to do it.
I don’t know if my words helped this young woman; I lost contact with her soon after that summer. I’ve asked my daughter about her a few times and my daughter tells me she is doing well. I hope the things I said to her helped. I hadn’t thought to use a blue chip to focus on to get me through the next 15 minutes, but after I gave that advise, I tried it myself. Why not, it sounded like good advice? Turns out, it works pretty well. Not surprising when you consider the fact that it’s really just a form of meditation/mindfulness.
My 15-minute pity party.
When my ex-husband’s Army Reserve unit was deployed to Iraq, many of the spouses had a hard time dealing with deployment. A social worker was brought in to one of the Family Readiness Group meetings to offer some tips about how to handle the emotions the whole family was experiencing because of the deployment. My biggest takeaway from that talk was the advice to allow myself 15 minutes a day for a pity party. Cry, scream, punch a pillow, whatever I need to do for 15 minutes. Use a timer if necessary but allow myself those 15 minutes a day and then get back to the business of life. That advice has been a complete game changer for me. It puts some boundaries on Lunatic Barbie so she doesn’t get too crazy and take over for a whole day.
I’ve adapted that advice to work in other areas of my life as well. I use it as part of my problem/solution sequence. I get 15 minutes to complain about a problem and then I force myself to change my focus to figuring out a solution. The benefit to this practice is I first get those 15 minutes to purge the negative feelings which give room for clear thinking about a solution.
The best advice I’ve ever seen/heard/read about dealing with feelings is to acknowledge them, feel them and then release them. Sometimes I can do that in one 15-minute session, sometimes not. It worked great when my car crapped two fuel pumps in less than six months, not so well last summer when two of my uncles died within two weeks. Realistic expectations, right?
“You can do anything for 15 minutes,” -Marla Cilley
In referencing the decluttering process in our homes, Marla Cilley (AKA FlyLady) advises to work in 15-minute blocks. I’ve neglected this habit that I’d adopted so well in my first year of following the FlyLady system. You can get more information on the FlyLady system by visiting www.flylady.net
My spare bedroom looks like a combination warehouse/catch-all. I moved into my apartment over two years ago and if I would have practiced this 15-minute rule every day that I’ve been home, that bedroom would be usable by now. Mind you, my job has kept me gone for three week stretches and then three- or four-days home during most of the past two years. Recently, I’ve been home weekly for about a day and a half, which comes out to about two days more at home a month, but still not much time. If I was home every night and practicing this 15-minute habit, I would have had that room knocked out in a month.
What I love most about this advice, is it breaks down the impossible into the manageable. That advice worked so well I stopped following it. Part of what makes it work so well is that when I’ve walked away after giving myself permission to stop after 15 minutes is that a little while later, I’m thinking, “that wasn’t so bad, I could do another 15 minutes today.” I have conquered many large tasks this way.
I Double-dog Dare Ya!
I made it all sound so easy, didn’t I? As with many other things I talk about on this blog, they’re easy… after a few months (or years) of practice. Of course, these practices didn’t start out that way. I do want to challenge you to at least try it out and see how it fits. So, I double-dog dare you to look for three ways this week that you could implement the above strategies, in whatever combination works for you… one of each, three of one or any variation in between. Then, I would love it if you came back and let me know how it went. Follow this link The 15 minute challenge to drop me an email, come back here and comment or hop on over to the Facebook Page and leave a comment.
