Staring Down Imposter Syndrome

During the second half of last year I went through an emotional upheaval of epic proportions. No area of my life was left untouched. Some of it was good, most of it wasn’t. I went into a tailspin and sunk into a deep depression. You probably noticed that the blog posts stopped. When it came time to renew the domain name and hosting, I did so and vowed to “get the blog back up and running.” And then… I was staring down Impostor Syndrome.

What is Impostor Syndrome?

Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which one doubts one’s accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. -Wikipedia
I despise the term “Impostor Syndrome!” Mind you, I’m an equal opportunity hater. It’s not just “Impostor Syndrome” I hate. I hate all labels that do nothing more than to serve as an excuse to stagnate.

When we label ourselves, we place limits on ourselves. What we repeatedly tell ourselves becomes our truth. Repeated thoughts form neural pathways in our brains in the same way our shoes will form a path in a forest when we take the same route over and over. It’s important to choose those repeated thoughts carefully.

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I Gave Myself Impostor Syndrome

After six months of crashing and burning, I convinced myself that I had no right to talk about how to shed baggage. Who am I to tell anyone how to do something I can’t seem to pull off? I fired up my laptop several times, telling myself I was going to write a post, just to stare at a blank screen and keep reminding myself that I had nothing worthy to say.

I’m no authority on shedding baggage. Even though I acknowledge my ability to write well, I don’t have anything to say that anyone is going to want to read. Even if I write 100 quality blog posts and the books I want to write, I’ll never build up an audience of people who want to read what I write. I’m a fraud. Nobody cares. I’m stupid, fat, ugly and will spend the rest of my life alone.

I’ve got some mad skills here! When I sink, I do it fast and hard. Go big or go home, right?

Staring Down Impostor Syndrome

At the beginning of the year, I started getting messages from all over the place that it was time to get back to work. I was getting confirmation over and over that yes, my life’s purpose is to help other people shed their own baggage and step into their purpose. My purpose is to help people find a new perspective. Yes, I’m on the right track. Yes, I have the skills. Yes, if this is truly my life’s purpose, I cannot fail.

My purpose is to help people step into their own purpose. My purpose is not to get rich, my purpose is not to stop driving. Sure, those things would be nice. My goals do include being able to support myself as a freelance writer and work from home. But those things are not my purpose.

Forget the old messages. The truth is, I am qualified. My favorite definition of success is “getting back up one more time than I got knocked down.” Getting knocked down does not disqualify me. Getting back up qualifies me. I am not an impostor. I am not a fraud. Regardless of what you may have been telling yourself… neither are you.

Just Me and My Words

In the movie Pure Country, the main character, Dusty, is having an identity crisis. A country singer who is fed up with all the smoke and mirrors of his public persona, he walks away from his life. Sitting at his grandmother’s house, he asks “what if it was just me and my music? No smoke, no lights, just me and my guitar, do you think anyone would show up?” His grandmother responds with “I would.” Okay, so that was a total paraphrase, but if you’ve seen the movie, you probably pictured the scene.

I was thinking about that scene when I began writing this post in my mind. No graphics, no pretty quotes, just me and my thoughts. Sure, I’ll get back to creating “professional quality” posts, but I needed this post to just be me and my words. I needed to show myself that I have enough substance without all the smoke and mirrors.

Give me a shout out… let me know you’re still with me, okay?