Time to HALT For a HEART Check.

                We’ve all heard stories about people who appeared healthy by all outward indicators suddenly dropping dead from a heart attack or stroke.  Cancer is diagnosed at stage 5 and when asked “didn’t you notice any symptoms?” the patient responds with either “no,” or some variation of “yes, but I ignored them.” Have you heard the one about the wife who divorced her husband of thirty years because he left the cap off the toothpaste?  The problem wasn’t the toothpaste cap, but the hundred unresolved issues in thirty years of marriage.  We can do better than this.  How do we do better than this?  We do better than this by being intentional.  The first step is taking time to HALT for a HEART check.

                HALT is an acronym used in Mental Health and Recovery oriented fields that stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired. 

HEART is a similar acronym I learned in Celebrate Recovery that stands for Hurting, Exhausted, Angry, Resentful and Tense.

When I first heard about doing a HEART check in CR, I had been progressively learning, but I was still very much entrenched in old behaviors.  I had to learn new habits, and this turned out to be one of the most important.  I want to share with you what I specifically look for when I’m doing the HALT/HEART checks.

HALT:

1. Hungry: I was thankful to see this in the HALT check because in the HEART check (which I learned first) I would check for both Hungry and Hurting.  This gave me validation that I was on the right track; hunger can also get me off track.  This is more of a “Level One” check…” what’s wrong with me today?” versus a deeper, “Level Five” check… “what’s been wrong with me all week?” I don’t usually eat or starve my emotions, but I know a lot of people do.  This one usually registers on my radar if I’m cranky or have a headache.
2. Angry: Who am I angry with?  Why am I angry?  Do I have a right to be angry about this? (Whatever this is.)  That third question is usually the zinger for me.  Remember, Codependency is a boundary issue.  Sometimes I forget my boundaries and get angry about things that have nothing to do with me and aren’t mine to get angry about.
3. Lonely: There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely.  Lonely is a feeling of disconnect.  For me, it’s also a feeling that no one understands what I’m going through or that I’m going through a situation or season with no emotional support.  When I’m lonely, I’m more likely to look for what I call a “band-aid solution.”  A band-aid solution covers up the problem so I can ignore it. An “anti-biotic solution” works to heal the problem.  An example of a band-aid solution for me is getting into a relationship that I know is not a good fit, but gets my focus off the real problem.
4. Tired: This can refer to being physically or emotionally tired.  Being physically tired can come from pushing ourselves beyond our normal limits to accomplish a goal, but it can also be a clue that something is wrong and a clue to go see the doctor.  I know when I get lazy about taking my vitamins or I’m not eating well I have less energy.

HEART:

1. Hurting: Again, a situation that can be either physical or emotional.  I have a chronic pain condition called Costochondritis.  I’ve lived with it for so long that sometimes I don’t notice right away when it flares up.  Long term emotional hurting can stem from unforgiveness.  There have been times when I’ve sat down and worked out why I was hurting only to find that my hurting was a direct result of my choice to withhold forgiveness. 
2. Exhausted: Merriam-Webster defines exhausted as “completely or almost completely depleted of resources.  This goes beyond tired.  Exhausted says “I’ve gone as far as I can go.”  Exhausted sits at the same table as “Done,” “Rock Bottom,” and “Something has to give.”  When I get to this point, I know I’ve let something go too long.
3. Angry: I already covered this in HALT, so I just want to add one more thought.  Anger is not a sin.  Anger is our body’s way of telling ourselves that we’ve been violated in some manner. Acting out of anger can be a sin.  There is a difference between being angry with someone and punching someone because you’re angry with them. 
4. Resentful:  With me, anger is more about an action while resentment is more about the person who committed the action.  I can be angry about WHAT you did, but I’m resentful towards YOU for having done it.  That’s one of those “same, but not exactly” words.
5. Tense: Merriam-Webster defines tense as “stretched tight or rigid.”  That conjures up a bunch of images for me.  Muscles, fabric, etc.  No matter the substance, the word tense brings the idea of something on the verge of tearing.  This is usually what I’m referring to when I say, “I’m about to come out of my skin.”

Codependents and people struggling with addiction usually lack the instincts required to notice what’s going on in our hearts, minds and bodies.  If that statement resonates with you… here is some hope… it can be learned.  With practice, I was able to get to a place where I am now able to notice changes or when something “just doesn’t feel right,” be it physically or emotionally. 

The HALT/HEART checks are part of Step 10 in The 12 Steps… the daily inventory.  I know for myself, Step 10 has been one of the hardest for me to implement.  I’ve also heard from many other people with longevity in Recovery say the same thing, so this doesn’t make me unique.  I have sort of an ongoing inventory (think: running commentary) going on in my head, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that I’ve struggled to make this a consistent habit. 

Even though I still struggle to make this a consistent daily practice, I know that I’m light years from where I started 12 years ago.  This is when all of those platitudes start trekking across my awareness.  Progress, not perfection.  Recovery is a journey, not a destination.  One day at a time. 

Drop me a line, comment or email and let me know if the HALT/HEART checks are new to you, or if you’ve been practicing them for a while… let me know how you’re doing with them.  Are you in the  habit of doing them regularly or are you about to do your first one?  Do you need some accountability in this area?  Come on over to the Facebook page or group and be part of the discussion.