It is a gross understatement to say that Self-Care is important, but if you ask people what they’re doing for Self-Care, far too many will answer you with their best blank stare.
There is an incorrect assumption that self-care is selfish. If you believe this… please hear me when I say, “Self-care is not selfish; self-care is self-respect.” Self-care is taking care of ourselves, so we can take care of our responsibilities efficiently.
Self-care is how we recharge our batteries. We can’t expect ourselves to operate at peak efficiency if we’re not recharging our batteries. When our phone batteries are running low, we don’t hesitate to plug them in and give them what they need to work, so why do we deprive ourselves of what we need?
Another lie we tell ourselves about Self-Care is that we “don’t have time.” Let’s get out our guns and shoot a big hole through that idea. It’s not a question of having time, it’s a question of making time. We make time for whatever we deem a priority. The same people who claim to not have time for self-care can somehow manage time to binge watch whatever series they’re addicted to on Netflix. We can manage time to play games on our phones, check Facebook multiple times a day, etc, etc, etc.
In my experience, only two groups of people understand the importance of – and are actively engaged in – Self-Care… people in Recovery (12 step programs) and people actively pursuing Personal Development. The rest seem to be just trying to survive the days they neglectfully mismanage. Self-Care doesn’t happen by chance or on accident. It happens when we decide to make it a priority and carve out time in our busy schedules to do it.
I learned in Recovery why Self-Care is important and the negative effects of neglecting it. I had to start implementing some Self-Care habits even though everything inside of me was screaming that I didn’t deserve it.
My first exercise in Self-Care was to follow the direction of Celebrate Recovery in relation to Step #4. Go away by yourself to do your Inventory. I left my husband and kids at home for a night and went to a hotel on the other side of town. I intentionally chose a hotel with an indoor pool and whirlpool, so I could indulge in some recreation and pampering during breaks that I would be taking while writing out my inventory. On one hand, I felt guilty to be on the other side of town – focusing on myself – while my family was at home being neglected by me. On the other hand, I felt exhilarated to be by myself, no noise unless I made it and not having to worry about being distracted from my task. I realized that time alone was a necessary component that had been missing from my life for a long time.
As much as I enjoyed that mini-retreat, Self-Care still didn’t come easy for me. I still didn’t believe I deserved it. I felt like money spent on something that would only benefit me was wasteful. I believed that time for just me was selfish. What I failed to notice was how depressed I was and how unproductive I was because of my depression. I didn’t know that my batteries were dead.
I turned 40 and got divorced in the same week. It wasn’t as depressing as it sounds. I spoke with a friend of mine on my birthday who told me that turning 40 was the best thing that ever happened to her. At 40, she finally got comfortable in her own skin. I took those words to heart and decided that 40 was going to be my best year ever. With just a slight shift in my thinking, things started to turn around. I realized that no one was going to love me until I learned how to love myself. No one was going to respect me until I learned how to respect myself. No one was going to treat me right until I learned to treat myself right.
Photo by Kris Atomic on Unsplash
I got my first pedicure that year… yes, at the age of 40. Although I felt the sting of guilt about spending the money, it felt really good to do something nice for myself and an hour that was all about me. I’ve gotten to the point now where I won’t even take my phone with me when I get a pedicure because I don’t want my time interrupted.
If all of this sounds great, but you’re unsure about how to start taking care of yourself, I have comprised a list to help you get started. These are, at least in my opinion, the 5 most important things you can do to take care of yourself.
- Sleep: You probably don’t have to be told that sleep is important. Aside from walking around feeling like our heads are in a fog, sleep deprivation effects our physical and mental health as well.
- Eat: It’s not uncommon for me to lose my appetite when I’m working on shedding another layer of baggage that I’ve discovered. I firmly believe that a body that is properly nourished can heal itself. When I need to be the most vigilant about taking my vitamins always seems to be when I’m the least vigilant.
- Exercise: Exercise causes our bodies to release 5 brain boosting chemicals: Seratonin, Norepenephrine, BDNF, Dopamine and Endorphins. The benefits range from increased mental alertness, reduced depression and better-quality sleep.
- Faith/Spirituality: When I’m in a particularly difficult time of trying to shed some baggage… i.e: trying to let go of a self-defeating belief and replace it with a better one, or when a suppressed memory sneaks up and bites me in the butt… it’s my faith that gets me through it.
- Rewards: When we complete a race or win a contest there is always a reward. I think we should do the same when we hit benchmarks in our journey of personal development. Sometimes my reward is nothing more than the mounting evidence that I’m not as stupid or useless as some people have tried to convince me I am.
Try to push away the feelings of guilt and unworthiness long enough to consider each category and think about what changes you could make to develop some Self-Care in these areas. They don’t have to be big changes. The journey of 1,000 miles starts with the first step.
Speaking of first steps…. I have a more detailed report about these 5 tips, including some research showing the benefits of making each of these a priority. This report is only available to Tribe members, so if you want access to it, please join the Tribe and a copy will be sent to you.*
*if you were a member of the Tribe before this posting, fear not… you will be receiving the report via email very soon!
